maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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