Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
