for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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