Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Shame - the story of my life.
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