dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize