an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
