I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
