Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
