I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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