umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
