so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
