i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
