i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
