Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
