im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
