I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
