I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize