I wish my penis had an off switch
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
