In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize