Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
