wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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