im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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