Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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