if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
