I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
