I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
