I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i drank out of a bidet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize