Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize