6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
