how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
