You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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