I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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