The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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