P.S. I can't hear my feet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
