you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
