they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize