me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
BRING THE BAGELS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
