Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize