She is in my trunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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