Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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