it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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