you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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