What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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