I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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