it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Life is so much better after having sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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