So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
