don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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