I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
His nipple licking is glorious
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