someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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