My first STD was from a foam party
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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