That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
