he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
