I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
nutella sex= disaster
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize