you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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