Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
