Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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