you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
