No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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