Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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