I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
