And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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