The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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