So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
