he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
