Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
