im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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