just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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