My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize