he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
