You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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