And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
