New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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