woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
