does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
