I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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