Dual....:-)
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
