there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
