It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
