she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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