How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
