apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
