I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
