i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
