He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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