Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
