Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
