I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
