if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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