How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
