I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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