I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
